I was going to include this in my post on neurotypical brains versus Autistic brains and the miscommunications that arise as a result. But it would’ve too much or a tangent and made the post too long. So I’ve separated it out.
I’m Autistic so why can I understand seemingly neurotypicals?
The way people respond to life and stress is often unique. I was extensively bullied all through school, almost everyday, not a unique experience for Autistics 😔
I also didn’t get emotional support from my parents, though this was not intentional.
So I had to learn to cope on my own. One way was of course to dissociate. But another was to learn to predict how people behaved so I knew who was likely to bully me and when a bullying attack was likely to occur. This hypervigilance extended to everyday live and ended up studying everyone. I was already naturally in tune with body language without actually understanding what any of it meant, so I often keyed into that first. It’s what I learned first. Body language, especially hostile body language became a key element of my social skills moving forward. I also grew in understanding other people’s emotional states, because trying to placate a hostile bully without understanding his emotions is difficult. I also used this at home being able to predict my family’s responses to certain actions and requests and then modify my behaviours accordingly. It all extended outward from there. Bit by bit I developed innate social skills that wasn’t the facade I’d used for most of my schooling. I was able to predict most neurotypicals’ behaviours, though I wouldn’t go as far as to assume their state of mind without having had an opportunity to study them for a period of time.
In fact due to be isolation from them I actually didn’t understand Autistics all that well. I began learning about Autism only twelve years ago, despite having been diagnosed 22 years ago. And it wasn’t really until about three-ish years ago that I got a good handle on socialising with other Autistics. Even today I sometimes find it difficult to navigate. Which again harkens back to that neurotypicals make assumptions, and Autistics don’t. I have pre-built complex models for neurotypical behaviours, but I didnt have anything for Autistics, and I wasn’t going to and wasn’t likely even able to make the assumptions required to come to the understanding needed to have a model of behaviour at right away. So it took me time, and meeting more Autistics to add to my collective knowledge before I could be confident in my own Autistic assumptions so to speak.
I’m not perfect of course. I make mistakes and my history with bullies means I usually err on the side of deference and de-escalation even when those aren’t warranted, or I’ll lash out at a perceived attack when that isn’t warranted. Both have gotten me into more than a little trouble.
I’ve also been told that I’m prone to arrogance. But I don’t know where they get that idea. 😜
(no seriously I’ve been told that, even told I was self agrandising by a psychologist…)